Post-trauma shock

After a whole day thinking about all pros and cons of the situation, all the possibilities I will have from now on, I am desperately trying to put everything into perspective.

I was right since the age of 6. That very day I realised I was different. I had pinpointed "classic" autistic disorder on the autism spectrum and Asperger syndrom - yes, both of them - four years ago. I never really wanted to talk about it because it doesn't exist "in the books". I already couldn't get any attention toward the need I had to have any of them diagnosed.

I often thought I was just out of tracks and surely I was wrong because so many people told me so.

And then, after all these years, with no hesitation, both psychiatrists tell me that I was right. I am a hybrid they say... nothing found in the books.

Next day, I felt like I have been under a huge rock all my life, heavily weighing on my chest, crying for help, and people and professional passing by and saying; "ain't got nothing wrong..."

The psychiatrists removed the weight from my chest on Wednesday, but I still feel the pain and I have trouble to deal with the changing situation. I am confused, lost, still have pain, way less but still...

I must react. I wrote to my doctor calling for help. She was among the professionals that did not believe I could have the Asperger syndrom. But last year, she gave me a reference for exams regarding autism and Asperger syndrom. She still did not believe I could be on the spectrum, but she thought she had to make sure.

These are two scans of brains. The left one is Temple Grandin's, the right one is a neurotypical's brain.

(Temple Grandin is a famous Aspie. A neurotypical person is a so called "normal" person).

That is exactly how I can describe what's going on with me when over exposed to human interactions. Too many stimulations caused by human interactions. My mind just blow a fuse if the situation lasts for too long.

I have made a huge data collection and analysis over the years, and now that I am officially authorized to say that I am on the spectrum, I feel I have finally been granted the right to use these tools I developed without any shame or restriction.

 

I am now going to take you into my world... the world of autism.